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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.