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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.