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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.