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If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.