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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.