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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.