Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.