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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".