Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.