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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
take me drunk i`m home
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.