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Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!