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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.