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How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!