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You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data