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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
justin bieber
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?