Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that Iām married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.