Daily Silly Status

Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..

the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly

My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."

I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.

So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable

"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win

Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???

Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"

What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.

Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.

I`m never free but I`m available.

Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were

The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.

I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.

You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.