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I wish I had a friend like me
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.