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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."