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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.