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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.