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Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.