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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper