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I put the pro in inappropriate.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.