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Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.