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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
Smelling another person should be a choice.