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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.