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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.