Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.