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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.