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Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned