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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, Iām a hunter-gatherer.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever Iām making important life decisions.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.