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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I know u r but what am I ?
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.