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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Gravity is a real downer.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Carfax but for people
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around