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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.