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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Got tasered at speed dating again.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?