Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Plan B includes margaritas.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.