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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.