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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I dream about naps.