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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.