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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.