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The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what