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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late