Daily Silly Status

I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!

I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|

Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.

If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."

Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.

Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.

You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.

There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/

Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”

Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"

Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?

My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.

I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.

I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.

Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.