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If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.