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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone