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Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
My pants are 75% off.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
A man is as faithful as his options
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.