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Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.