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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.