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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
when in Rome get naked ;)
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.