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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.