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Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!