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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
I just ran a .003048K
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.