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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.