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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.