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It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.