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Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Never squat with your spurs on
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.