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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol