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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.