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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`