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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Hold boobs not grudges.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.