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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
i have noticed you notice me noticing you