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Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.