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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........