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I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.