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You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.