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You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.