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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.