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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.