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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.