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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I just made you think of an elephant
My inner child is a drunken whore
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.